CONTROLLING ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Overview If you are in an abusive relationship, you should consider getting out of it immediately. Abuse is not acceptable in any relationship, and both physical and mental abuse can lead to violence and result in someone getting hurt or killed. If you and your partner are seeking therapy or you feel you want to save your relationship, you can try to control the abusive behaviour and events by your actions. Step 1 Disregard verbal attacks. If your partner comes after you with verbal threats, try to ignore him or her and just walk away. If they confront you face to face, refuse to offer a rebuttal with negative talk. Let them know you are not going to contribute to fighting behaviour. Your partner may initiate a barrier around you to prevent you from leaving by threatening to take money away or hurt your children, explains the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness. Fighting back and forth prolongs the fighting and can escalate into a serious situation quickly, but avoiding confrontation gives you control of the situation. Step 2 Avoid adding fuel to the fire. Never start a verbal argument with someone who has a history of violence or abuse. If you have an issue, try talking about it in a relaxed and calm tone of voice. The Helpguide website states that you may feel mistreated and may avoid certain topics or feel you can't do anything right when you are in an abusive relationship. You can control the relationship by taking responsibility for your own behavior and being the better person by not fighting with your partner. Step 3 Walk away from an abusive situation. This can be difficult to do, but it will remove you from the argument or pending argument. If you sense tension growing, it may be best to just walk away from home. Abusers want you to feel powerless and helpless; it gives them control, states the Recovery-Man website. Stepping away from the situation gives you control over the abuse and how you are treated. Step 4 Try counseling. If you are both willing to work on your relationship, but one of you still has a problem with abuse, suggest counseling. This will be beneficial to your relationship and your mental health. This will allow your partner to learn positive techniques to deal with stress rather than targeting you with put-downs or physical abuse. Step 5 Call for help. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your area. They will help you locate a shelter and put you in touch with counselors and social workers who can offer counseling and assistance in an emergency situation. If a situation gets out of hand, and you feel that your life is in immediate danger, you need to call police immediately. Tips and Warnings • Tell friends and family members about your abusive relationship. This will create awareness, and they can help if you need to escape a dangerous situation. Set up a safety plan that includes having credit cards, cash on hand, clothes and extra sets of keys in a bag that is packed and ready to go. • Substance abuse can lead to arguments getting out of control. Be cautious when confronting a partner who is intoxicated; this could trigger a fight.