I won't have sex with my boyfriend because he turned down my kisses

Dear Coleen,

Two weeks ago, my partner told me to stop kissing him the way I do as it turns him on and he doesn’t always want to or isn’t always able to make love.

He is 41 and I’m 40 and we have been together for three years.

I’m a very tactile person and affection and passion were, until recently, a huge part of my relationship with my partner.

But since he came out and said this, we haven’t made love.

It feels as if he has split who I am down the middle and thrown away that side of me that is sensual and tactile.

I have not cuddled him since and cannot even bring myself to even give him more than a peck on the cheek. He is upset about this, but can’t grasp why I feel this way.

I admit I have put up a massive wall, but I feel like my relationship died when he told me that being loving towards him is sometimes a problem.

I have no idea what to do. Please help.

Coleen says..

I think this is a question of simply getting your wires crossed.

I don’t think he’s saying he doesn’t want to make love to you, but that sometimes he’s not in the mood or he’s tired and doesn’t feel like it.

Equally, he has been assuming that every time you’re affectionate or tactile, it’s foreplay that will lead on to sex.

I really think there are a lot of mixed signals going on.

However, I totally understand why it’s put you off.

It’s a terrible thing for your pride and your ego when someone says something like that – you feel rejected, hurt and embarrassed.

If you really love each other you must sit down and talk about it.

I do not think he’s realised what he’s said and that it’s made you feel very self-conscious now when it comes to sex and even affection. You will have to explain this to him.

And you also have to explain that every time you kiss or cuddle you don’t want it to lead to sex every time – he doesn’t need to feel under pressure.

You two simply have different ways of looking at the situation, but you have to get your feelings out in the open.

If you don’t discuss it, sex will disappear altogether and your relationship won’t be far behind.

The longer you leave it, the harder it’ll be to approach and sort out.

source; themirror....

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN BETA

You see, I have read so many articles recently stating that there aren’t “real men” anymore and that modern day men are too ‘sissy’ and ‘metrosexual’. Quite frankly, this is confusing as there are a number of things that have changed since the last time “men were men”. Women have equal opportunities for jobs these days and a good number of them make a decent bundle. The stereotype of the “man’s man” of the times past would have been hit with several sexual discrimination lawsuits in recent times so, that makes it rather confusing.

Bear with me as I rant many things I find mind-boggling about women.

I know a lot of women that complain about the scarcity of “good guys” and the funny thing about this assertion is that these same women complain that “good guys” are boring and they are more excited by ‘bad guys‘. A friend told me a little while ago that her “boyfriend” was too good to her! ”Too good to her”? What does that even mean? It doesn’t come as a big surprise that the said girl was cheating on her “too good” boyfriend at the time. She felt she needed the excitement of being with a more exciting and dangerous guy. What I find funny about all of this is that after dating a couple of bad guys, she will run back into the arms of a good guy (well, up until she needs excitement again).

Another thing that irks me is the fact that women proceed to change everything about their man soon after they start dating. One minute, you want a “spontaneous, outgoing, funny guy” but as soon as you start dating him, you start nagging about all the things that attracted you to him in the first place. So the spontaneous, outgoing, funny guy eventually becomes a predictable, introverted (let’s not forget a word many women like using) boring chap. Of course, she resumes the nagging about how much he has changed during the relationship.

Women complain all day about how all men are dogs and can’t be trusted. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself the question, who are the females these “dogs” sleep with? I don’t have statistics to back this up but I strongly believe women cheat as much as men. Friends with benefits and side chick relationships are common place. Its not like we menfolk are complaining but it’s a bit unfair for us to take all the stick, right?

Some other women want the strong, domineering type of man that will control them. You know those type of men are one step away from being abusive partners right? You can’t expect someone to be in control of your whole life and not expect that person to abuse the privilege.

I believe that until the day women can really take the initiative, we can’t be discussing equality. How many women can really walk up to a guy to ask him out? How many women can really have a casual sexual relationship with a guy and not get emotionally tangled?Yes I said it… How many women? Most women want to be wooed, wined and dined while they consider whether or not the guy has a fighting chance to get with her. That same guy will persevere for a couple of months till the woman eventually gives in, only to find out she isn’t all that. By this time, the tables have turned and the female is more desperate to hold on to “her man” and the guy is thinking about moving on. Truth is, no matter how you want to see it, the man possesses all the initiative, thus, he is in an advantageous position at all times. If women don’t want to be victims, they need to seize the initiative in the war of the sexes.

SOURCE: BELLANAIJA