I won't have sex with my boyfriend because he turned down my kisses

Dear Coleen,

Two weeks ago, my partner told me to stop kissing him the way I do as it turns him on and he doesn’t always want to or isn’t always able to make love.

He is 41 and I’m 40 and we have been together for three years.

I’m a very tactile person and affection and passion were, until recently, a huge part of my relationship with my partner.

But since he came out and said this, we haven’t made love.

It feels as if he has split who I am down the middle and thrown away that side of me that is sensual and tactile.

I have not cuddled him since and cannot even bring myself to even give him more than a peck on the cheek. He is upset about this, but can’t grasp why I feel this way.

I admit I have put up a massive wall, but I feel like my relationship died when he told me that being loving towards him is sometimes a problem.

I have no idea what to do. Please help.

Coleen says..

I think this is a question of simply getting your wires crossed.

I don’t think he’s saying he doesn’t want to make love to you, but that sometimes he’s not in the mood or he’s tired and doesn’t feel like it.

Equally, he has been assuming that every time you’re affectionate or tactile, it’s foreplay that will lead on to sex.

I really think there are a lot of mixed signals going on.

However, I totally understand why it’s put you off.

It’s a terrible thing for your pride and your ego when someone says something like that – you feel rejected, hurt and embarrassed.

If you really love each other you must sit down and talk about it.

I do not think he’s realised what he’s said and that it’s made you feel very self-conscious now when it comes to sex and even affection. You will have to explain this to him.

And you also have to explain that every time you kiss or cuddle you don’t want it to lead to sex every time – he doesn’t need to feel under pressure.

You two simply have different ways of looking at the situation, but you have to get your feelings out in the open.

If you don’t discuss it, sex will disappear altogether and your relationship won’t be far behind.

The longer you leave it, the harder it’ll be to approach and sort out.

source; themirror....

Dealing with a jealous partner

A jealous partner can place a real strain on relationships, but with work from both sides it is possible to overcome it. Check out these tips for advice on working it out together.......

Take joint responsibility for the problem. Whatever the root cause of irrational jealousy, it takes commitment from both partners to beat it.

Recognise the positive side of jealousy. Instead of getting angry with your partner when they’re jealous, try to remember it’s only a problem because they value your relationship so much. If they didn’t care they wouldn’t be jealous.

Build your partner’s confidence. Jealousy and insecurity are inextricably linked. The more secure your partner feels about your relationship, and the more confident they are that you’re both fulfilled in the relationship, the less jealous they will feel. Try to boost their confidence by expressing love, paying compliments and discussing your future together.

Check your behaviour. Try to make sure your actions don’t fuel your partner’s jealous tendencies. Where possible, stick to arrangements and don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Don’t bend to unreasonable demands that could create bitterness and resentments.

source; thecoupleconnection.