Dear Coleen,
Last weekend our kids decided to bring us breakfast in bed as it was my birthday – we have a boy aged 11 and a girl who’s 14.
Unfortunately, when they opened the door with trays shouting ‘Surprise!’ and ‘Happy birthday, Mum!’ my husband and I were having sex.
Luckily, they
didn’t see anything much because we covered up quickly, but we screamed
so they screamed and then they backed out of the room fast.
I reacted by being cross that they’d come into the room without knocking and told them they’d shocked us by walking in.
However, I didn’t really explain what was going on – should I have talked to them about the birds and the bees?
I’m sure my daughter is fairly clued up, but my son is a few years younger.
I’m worried they’ll find it as embarrassing as I would if I bring it up now.
Have I scarred them for life? Please say no!
Coleen says..
First thing – buy a lock for your bedroom door!
Then reiterate that your bedroom is your private space and whenever they want to come in they should knock first – you might be naked and no one likes to catch their parents in the buff!
However, I’m sure they’ve been suitably embarrassed and won’t forget to knock again.
I don’t think you should sit them down for a big scary talk – I always think it’s best to discuss sex and relationships on an informal, ongoing basis, so it feels natural and relaxed.
For example, if there’s a storyline on a soap or a situation that occurs in real life, you can try and talk around it.
The most important thing is that your kids feel able to come to you with questions. And if they do ask what you and dad were up to, then, yes, talk to them.
I remember when my boys Shane and Jake asked questions about sex, I was dying of embarrassment inside, but I knew it was important not to let that show so they’d continue to come to me if they had any worries or issues around sex.
It’s all part of being a parent and your role as a teacher in life.
I don’t think you’ve scarred them for life. Kids don’t like to think of their parents having sex – the natural reaction to that idea is usually ‘Eurrgh, that’s vile!’
And they probably think you’re way too old to be doing it anyway.
Last weekend our kids decided to bring us breakfast in bed as it was my birthday – we have a boy aged 11 and a girl who’s 14.
Unfortunately, when they opened the door with trays shouting ‘Surprise!’ and ‘Happy birthday, Mum!’ my husband and I were having sex.
I reacted by being cross that they’d come into the room without knocking and told them they’d shocked us by walking in.
However, I didn’t really explain what was going on – should I have talked to them about the birds and the bees?
I’m sure my daughter is fairly clued up, but my son is a few years younger.
I’m worried they’ll find it as embarrassing as I would if I bring it up now.
Have I scarred them for life? Please say no!
Coleen says..
First thing – buy a lock for your bedroom door!
Then reiterate that your bedroom is your private space and whenever they want to come in they should knock first – you might be naked and no one likes to catch their parents in the buff!
However, I’m sure they’ve been suitably embarrassed and won’t forget to knock again.
I don’t think you should sit them down for a big scary talk – I always think it’s best to discuss sex and relationships on an informal, ongoing basis, so it feels natural and relaxed.
For example, if there’s a storyline on a soap or a situation that occurs in real life, you can try and talk around it.
The most important thing is that your kids feel able to come to you with questions. And if they do ask what you and dad were up to, then, yes, talk to them.
I remember when my boys Shane and Jake asked questions about sex, I was dying of embarrassment inside, but I knew it was important not to let that show so they’d continue to come to me if they had any worries or issues around sex.
It’s all part of being a parent and your role as a teacher in life.
I don’t think you’ve scarred them for life. Kids don’t like to think of their parents having sex – the natural reaction to that idea is usually ‘Eurrgh, that’s vile!’
And they probably think you’re way too old to be doing it anyway.
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