My children walked in on us having sex

Dear Coleen,
Last weekend our kids decided to bring us breakfast in bed as it was my birthday – we have a boy aged 11 and a girl who’s 14.
Unfortunately, when they opened the door with trays shouting ‘Surprise!’ and ‘Happy birthday, Mum!’ my husband and I were having sex.

Luckily, they didn’t see anything much because we covered up quickly, but we screamed so they screamed and then they backed out of the room fast.
I reacted by being cross that they’d come into the room without knocking and told them they’d shocked us by walking in.
However, I didn’t really explain what was going on – should I have talked to them about the birds and the bees?
I’m sure my daughter is fairly clued up, but my son is a few years younger.
I’m worried they’ll find it as embarrassing as I would if I bring it up now.
Have I scarred them for life? Please say no!
Coleen says..
First thing – buy a lock for your bedroom door!
Then reiterate that your bedroom is your private space and whenever they want to come in they should knock first – you might be naked and no one likes to catch their parents in the buff!
However, I’m sure they’ve been suitably embarrassed and won’t forget to knock again.
I don’t think you should sit them down for a big scary talk – I always think it’s best to discuss sex and relationships on an informal, ongoing basis, so it feels natural and relaxed.
For example, if there’s a storyline on a soap or a situation that occurs in real life, you can try and talk around it.
The most important thing is that your kids feel able to come to you with questions. And if they do ask what you and dad were up to, then, yes, talk to them.
I remember when my boys Shane and Jake asked questions about sex, I was dying of embarrassment inside, but I knew it was important not to let that show so they’d continue to come to me if they had any worries or issues around sex.
It’s all part of being a parent and your role as a teacher in life.
I don’t think you’ve scarred them for life. Kids don’t like to think of their parents having sex – the natural reaction to that idea is usually ‘Eurrgh, that’s vile!’
And they probably think you’re way too old to be doing it anyway.

I want to spend the rest of my life with her... so should I tell my girlfriend I kissed a few other girls?

DEAR COLEEN;

I’m 19, my girlfriend is 21, and we’ve been together for nearly two years.
I love her so much, but I’ve kissed a few other girls while I’ve been with her and she knows two of them.

Nothing has been said as they were both drunken snogs, but I feel guilty every day.

I want to spend the rest of my life with her. What should I do?

Coleen says..

In this case, I think you should keep quiet about what happened. But you’ve got to promise yourself that you’ll never get so drunk that you do it again.

You need to find that limit with drink so you don’t do something stupid.

I don’t think you’ll achieve anything by coming clean to your girlfriend. Because you’re finding it hard to live with the guilt, you think telling her will just make your life easier.

You’d be passing the buck – after all, you won’t have to feel guilty any more if she knows, right?

Look, you’re only 19 and we’ve all done silly things at that age.

If you love this girl, put it behind you and make a deal with yourself that you won’t do it again.

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Am I too old for sex at 70?

Dear Coleen,My husband isn’t interested in sex any more.

I’m 70 and we’ve been married for 50 years. He tells me I should no longer want it because I’m old.

Well, I still feel as sexual now as I did 30 years ago, but I’m embarrassed to beg him for sex.

Am I normal or a freak? He says I’m disgusting for wanting to have sex.

It makes we want to cry to think I’ll go to my grave never having sex again.

Coleen says..

Firstly, you are definitely not a freak. In fact, hats off to you, lady.

You are not the one with the problem. Maybe you’ve just hit that bump in the road where sex goes off the boil for one partner.

You don’t have to beg for it, but be honest and explain you’re not ready to give up that side of your life.

It could be he’s finding it difficult to get and maintain an erection and he’s embarrassed to discuss it.

If it turns out this is an issue, there is help out there, which he could discuss with his GP or research online to get more information.

Because his response seems quite angry and defensive, my guess is that he could be having physical problems.

But however defensive he gets, get him to talk about it – there’s no need to have a row.

In the meantime, you can always pleasure yourself, but don’t give up on him yet.

I won't have sex with my boyfriend because he turned down my kisses

Dear Coleen,

Two weeks ago, my partner told me to stop kissing him the way I do as it turns him on and he doesn’t always want to or isn’t always able to make love.

He is 41 and I’m 40 and we have been together for three years.

I’m a very tactile person and affection and passion were, until recently, a huge part of my relationship with my partner.

But since he came out and said this, we haven’t made love.

It feels as if he has split who I am down the middle and thrown away that side of me that is sensual and tactile.

I have not cuddled him since and cannot even bring myself to even give him more than a peck on the cheek. He is upset about this, but can’t grasp why I feel this way.

I admit I have put up a massive wall, but I feel like my relationship died when he told me that being loving towards him is sometimes a problem.

I have no idea what to do. Please help.

Coleen says..

I think this is a question of simply getting your wires crossed.

I don’t think he’s saying he doesn’t want to make love to you, but that sometimes he’s not in the mood or he’s tired and doesn’t feel like it.

Equally, he has been assuming that every time you’re affectionate or tactile, it’s foreplay that will lead on to sex.

I really think there are a lot of mixed signals going on.

However, I totally understand why it’s put you off.

It’s a terrible thing for your pride and your ego when someone says something like that – you feel rejected, hurt and embarrassed.

If you really love each other you must sit down and talk about it.

I do not think he’s realised what he’s said and that it’s made you feel very self-conscious now when it comes to sex and even affection. You will have to explain this to him.

And you also have to explain that every time you kiss or cuddle you don’t want it to lead to sex every time – he doesn’t need to feel under pressure.

You two simply have different ways of looking at the situation, but you have to get your feelings out in the open.

If you don’t discuss it, sex will disappear altogether and your relationship won’t be far behind.

The longer you leave it, the harder it’ll be to approach and sort out.

source; themirror....